Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I want to write a poem but I don't know how.
I've never held a pen let alone formed a thought in my head.
I'm supposed to tell you how I love you
But I don't know how to feel it let alone say it.
Maybe it's because I just can't be.
I'm a drifter, I'm a nomad,
I do not know my heart and I cannot be tamed.
I cannot keep it simple, I walk in contradictions
and I am laced with chaos.
So naturally, as anything I do,
this is feeling forced.
I don't even know where I fall into
a beginning or a middle or an end.
I want to see you all day long and when you're finally here
I think about all that is not
and how I should be repaid for my
incessant worry that you'll never know.
I think how I saved your life one week ago today
literally, physically, I held onto you,
wrapped you in my arms as best I could
as you lost consciousness and almost all breath.
I stayed by your side
and still I stay
I don't know what to do with this.
I still cannot process you.
It's 2:34 in the morning. You are here.
But all I can do is sit and wait
and jump at every breath
and watch you sleep.