sonnet

you overwhelm me and it scares me

scares me because now i can't imagine being without 

i didn't expect to love and be loved in return

(it's the greatest thing i'll ever learn)

and i feel this loves heavy blanket tucked all around

i can't get out

i can only take breaths of you

but i don't want to pull back the covers

i'm not immune to anything else 

i could possibly catch, 

could be offered by this world

that doesn't contain a spark of you

i am here

i've been caught 

i've been scared

and here i remain

having waited a lifetime for you,

for this

and now forgetting how to be without

dying slowly, beautifully,

drowning in a sea of wine and roses

2002

sonnet 2

how do i know when i love you

and how do i know when i don't

what does it say to miss you 

as much as i don't want you here

to hear you and see you,

constant in my minds eye

and loathe you for it

love you for it

angry that you occupy me

and too selfish to set you free

2002

There are those days when...

There are those days when

I feel like my steps could cause earthquakes

And then there are those days when I don't 

even trust my own two feet

so shaky

I don't have the faith to hold myself up

As I wander disconnected 

through these hazy mountains

Taunting trees 

and trapping buildings 

One unsure footed step at a time

After another

Slave driving myself to solidify

And let in

Seeing only what is not

There is no such thing as solid ground

Not even under my own two feet

2002

intuition

My head is pounding.

My body pulses.

My blood runs hot through my clenched insides.

My hands tingle and I am heavy

As I detach from myself and am sent into orbit

Into an alternate universe

You have caused this

...utterly humiliated, flushed, 

ashamed and crazed

Tingling and numb

I cannot bring myself to speak or move

I am alone

Alone with myself ~ my secrets

Memories of us fading into black and gray 

Movies in my mind

1999

game play

i list my indiscretions 

to secretly get back at you

want to build my shred of dignity

but look what i've resorted to

wanna prove to you i've done it to

i watch them pile high

but all i'm left with is regret

as i match you lie for lie

2001

the worst way to miss someone

Last night I missed you

I tried to call out to you

But you couldn't hear me over the pounding of my heart

I tried to get closer

But once again my heart was in the way

Blocking me from feeling you

Or you from me

I wanted to make love to you last night

And when I came I thought my heart would burst

As well as I

For it was moving faster than I could think

Or breathe

I am right here beside you

I cry for you

I long for you

I ache to give myself to you

But you can't see me

You can't feel me

You can't hear me

Over the 

poundingscreamingterror

of my heart

2002

limbo

visceral girl

body pierced

heavy guts and organs

dripping through 

the second story floor.

hot and waxy words 

thick poetry seeping in.

pouring out.

not a sound.

no way to tell.

limbo?

purgatory?

an apartment?

2006